"Never, in a million years did I see this once coming."
-Ted McNatch, Industry Analyst.

Ted McNatch was halfway through a $4 latte when he saw the news come across the wires: SGI, the Bay Area wonder company known for fantastically fast super computers, somehow missed it's earnings forecast. Not by a little. A LOT.
"I shot steaming hot latte out of my nose onto my laptop, choking. When a fellow analyst came in, all I could do was wheeze and point and the screen, gasping for air. After that, it gets kind of blurry. I woke up mumbling about dinosaur movies while Ms. Ridder, the sales rep, fanned my hand."

Ted, just days before SGI reported lower than expected earnings.

"Despite the burning pain in my sinuses, I tried to convince myself I was dreaming. How could SGI possibly miss an earnings estimate? Had that sort of thing ever happened before? Could SGI's stock price possibly hit single digits? I found myself wondering what Ed McCracken was up to over there!" said a visibly shaken Ted.

"As if that weren't enough, some joker came at me with some wild story about how McCracken wasn't CEO anymore, that some "Belluzzo" guy was. That's when I relaxed some and felt better. "Rocket Rick" had a knack for turning around companies. 'Rick'll turn SGI around!' I hollared, pounding on my desk. That's when some scmuck came at me with a 'Belluzzo's been gone for over a month! Some Bishop guy is in there now.' story. That's when I knew SGI was in trouble."

Ted is unable to understand how such a "cool" company could possibly lose money. "Didn't they buy that big Cray computer thing? That had to be a good idea. It's the fastest computer on Earth! Plus, they did that dinosaur movie thing, not to mention that underrated Sci-Fi masterpiece, Lost In Space. And those crazy buildings and parties they have! Woohoo!"

"My advice to SGI is to keep doing what you're doing. The worldwide demand for huge, complicated multimillion dollar graphic supercompters is going to shoot through the roof eventually, just like the demand for personal sub-$5,000 PC's did. Keep putting your name out there, like on the rocket in Lost In Space. That little yellow monkey was such a card! You couldn't tell at all it was digitally created. I thought maybe there actually was such thing as a monkey of the cheesy, plastic yellow variety.

Asked about SGI's uncertain future, Ted seemed confident. "I can almost say with certainty that from this point on, quarter after quarter, we're going to see extraordinary things coming from SGI, especially in their earnings reports. As long as they can keep stable management, they'll be just fine."

Editors Note: We may be some backwood hicks in Ohio, but even *we* can sense SGI's slow, painful death. We here at yiffy.com will gladly take a CEO position there, though there's no hurry. Everyone, it seems, will get a turn playing CEO there.