Most don't have phone, electrical services to begin with.

While most of the country was bracing for possible gas, power, and phone outtages expected to possibly hit on the 1st of the year from the so-called "Y2K Bug", most Ohioans admit they aren't concerned. Joke as we may, these hardy, steadfast residents seem to be the least worried and most prepared of anyone in the country. Only 24% of Ohioans are dependant on electricity as a source of heat and light. The rest use coal, wood, or burning rags sources for heat and light.

Resourceful, clever Ohioans dig among a rubble
pile for things to burn for heat during the winter.

Governor Bob Taft issued a hopefully but weary message to his fellow citizens.

"Ohioans, I would warn you to prepare for cripping outtages in electrical and phone services during these critical winter months, but you've dealt with it fine in the past, so why worry? If you pick up your phone at midnight on New Year's Eve and it doesn't work, don't jump to conclusions it's the Y2k Bug. Odds are, you live in grinding poverty, and wasn't able to pay your phone bill, or wild boars have stormed the phone company in search of food during these hellish winter months and eaten everyone inside."

Computer outtages were unlikely to cause any problems, either, as most "records" at the Ohio Statehouse are entered typewriteretically on non-electric typewriters. Several laws have been passed to guarentee that birth and social security records won't be burned as a fuel source. "Most houses still use burning logs or coal as primary sources of heat during the winter. "I can guarentee that all Ohio logs have fully passed Y2K compliance." joked Govenor Taft as he spoke into the motion-picture machine.

At least one resident was hoping the Year 2000 Bug really would take us back to 1900. As longtime resident Nicholos Gruel recalls: "Back then, we had the Wright Brothers, the Electronic Thresher, and the Cash Register patents held in our state's greedy paws. Everyone could afford to feed their livestock, and heat the house. Now, as I look upon this desolate squalor, it seems as if we're entering the Dark Ages again."

Shivering, he added:
"Take me back to 1900!"